Can caregiving can be as difficult as law enforcement?

Celebrating Black History doesn’t necessarily mean reaching deep into the past to identify pivotal figures.

Keeping it REAL Caregiving is honored to welcome a current change maker to the platform; someone who also happens to be a family caregiver.

Meet Captain Delrish Moss. He leads the uniformed division of officers on the campus of Florida International University in South Florida.

His law enforcement career is impressive: 32-years with the City of Miami, leaving that position in 2016 at the rank of Major.

That same year, his experience and passion for law enforcement and justice catapulted him into the national spotlight.

Chief Delrish Moss; Ferguson, MO/Courtesy: Delrish Moss

Of more than 53 candidates from around the country, Moss was selected as Chief, to lead the Ferguson, Missouri Police Department in the wake of the police killing of Michael Brown.

FERGUSON, MO – AUGUST 17: A demonstrator holds a sign reading, “Don’t Shoot”, with a picture of Michael Brown on August 17, 2014 in Ferguson, Missouri. Violent outbreaks have taken place in Ferguson since the shooting death of Michael Brown by a Ferguson police officer on August 9th. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

That shooting rocked the community of Ferguson and the nation, leading to intense calls for change. From that grief and outrage, demands for equity evolved into new leadership with Chief Moss at the helm. Moss made history as the first African American Chief to lead that department.

But in 2018, Chief Moss announced he would be stepping down from this role and returning home to South Florida.

There were duties even greater than charting a more equitable future for the people of Ferguson. His mother, 74-year old Eileen Hardwick, had suffered a stroke. She needed him.

KIRC recently caught up with Captain Moss…

to talk about his career and role as a family caregiver. He describes it as perhaps the most challenging yet.

*This interview has been edited for brevity & clarity. Watch a short video interview here*

Captain Delrish Moss – In his own words

You just don’t know when you will make that transition. My mom for years was very independent and assertive. Her military background [retired US Army] speaks to that, and then suddenly she suffered a stroke.

With the first stroke she recovered very well, but with the second stroke we started to lose a number of things.

Mainly the ability to drive, the ability to get around without assistance, using a wheelchair or walker.

And little by little she is starting to lose more of her independence. It has fallen to me to be able to care for her; things like the groceries, making sure she gets a good meal, making sure she can get to doctors visits.

Ferguson, MO; Chief Delrish Moss

Leadership in Ferguson, Missouri

I did that job for a while, but then when my mother suffered her second stroke, I knew then that it was time to stop chasing the career ladder and to come back home and make sure that I took care of the person who took care of me when I was a kid.

Eileen Hardwick/Courtesy: Delrish Moss

It wasn’t a hard decision for me. In 2016 when I was selected to be Ferguson Chief, my father suffered a stroke. They said he was doing better, and then within a few days he passed away. I had another uncle, my father’s brother, who suffered a similar stroke and also passed away.

When my mother had her second stroke, I knew that she had always been there for me, so I knew I had to be there for her. I had to make sure she was okay.

Don’t think I didn’t want to continue soaring to the top as Ferguson’s top cop…I left a lot of things unfinished there. But I had to come home and take care of my mom.

You know you can always get jobs, you can always get a career. But you only get one mother!

Male caregivers of color

It is difficult work. It is important that we have family who take care of each other. And sometimes that means getting assistance from outside sources.

There are countless others out there who we don’t hear from; African American men and women who take care of their family. Trust me it’s not for the faint. It can be a daunting task, but a necessary one.

I don’t think anything actually prepares you for this moment because you grow up with your parents taking care of you. They are the strongest people on the planet and you look up to them. But little by little you see their health decline and you see that person who was a tower of strength, starting to need your help. I don’t think anything prepares you for that.

City of Miami Police Department/Courtesy: Delrish Moss

Caregiving vs. law enforcement

I’ve been in law enforcement for 37 years and it’s arguably a hard job. But I think that taking care of a loved one should be right up there on that same scale in terms of how difficult it can be.

Advice to others

• Do the best that you can to make sure you have financial resources. We save for vacations and other things, but we don’t think about these challenges. If you haven’t gotten here yet, start putting together a rainy day fund because it’s going to happen.

• Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Resources are scattered and hard to come by, but if you have friends in similar situations, if you have access to the internet to look for governmental services and help, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

• Don’t be afraid to say that you are overwhelmed. Sometimes we think that keeping a person in the home is the best option but sometimes we’re just not equipped to do that and that becomes an unfair situation for both you and your loved one.

Closing thoughts

My mother, has always been the strongest person I know, from an emotional and physical standpoint. We could count on her. She raised us as a single mom. Seeing her start to not be able to care for herself and see the frustration she suffers is heartbreaking and daunting.

I never would have imaged – ever– that she would have a difficult time getting to the bathroom, making sure she can take a shower and do these things. I never ever would have thought this would be the case.

You see other families going through this, but you never think it’s going to happen to your family. I never would have imagined I would be in this position where I’m taking care of her, because she’s always been there to take care of me.

It’s a difficult transition, but I’m glad I’m on this journey.

Thank you Captain Moss for sharing your professional and personal caregiving journey. If this story has inspired you in some way, jump into the discussion and share with us!

PLUS… If you missed our special series of stories Celebrating Black History check them out here:

Reflecting on the past & paving the way for the future: KIRC celebrates Black History Month

Discovering Black History: how one male caregiver connected with the past, family & himself

She’s young, Black and owns an in-home care agency – 5 things this professional wants you to know!

Maybe one day we’ll all get along. Some day…

Until next time~

*Header Image: National Guard Called In As Unrest Continues In Ferguson*

FERGUSON, MO – AUGUST 18: Police attempt to control demonstrators protesting the killing of teenager Michael Brown on August 18, 2014 in Ferguson, Missouri. Police shot smoke and tear gas to disperse the protestors with as they became unruly. Brown was shot and killed by a Ferguson police officer on August 9. Despite the Brown family’s continued call for peaceful demonstrations, violent protests have erupted nearly every night in Ferguson since his death. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)*