KIRC welcomes a guest caregiver offering up practical and emotionally potent ‘survival tips’
Hello KIRC family!
I would just like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has helped this concept and platform grow. This all started with a simple thought: “It shouldn’t be this hard to care for my mother and how are others navigating this new world?”
We’ve been hitting your in-boxes for a few months now and are now reaching hundreds of readers… and growing. That warms my heart.
It also means that as we move forward, I hope to hear directly from more of you and be able to share a wide variety of voices and insight.
So, without further delay, I would like to introduce you to Donna; this week’s guest caregiver. She offers up practical and heartfelt tools you can use for your loved ones AND yourselves.
Let’s talk about… What it means to accept your caregiving role & not lose yourself in the process
Donna is now retired from a career in teaching and has a realistic outlook on the challenges that can come with aging.
“I am well aware of the unending expectations of educating our youth and the impossibilities of some of those demands. I think that we, as Americans and our culture, MUST respect and appreciate our elders more.”
Photo Courtesy: Donna (on the right)
At age 71, Donna helps her sister care for their elderly mother, who has been diagnosed with dementia and suffers from additional health concerns.
I asked Donna what three key pieces of advice she has for others?
ADVICE
1. “The #1 piece of advice is to do whatever is necessary to feel and be well YOURSELF!
Pay attention to and deal with YOUR needs FIRST! I think that the caregiver’s health & well being is critical to the needs and happiness of the person being cared for.
It’s comparable to when a flight attendant says, ‘In an emergency put YOUR oxygen mask on first BEFORE trying to help others.’ An impaired or unhealthy caregiver is not helpful to a needy person.
2. The second suggestion is that a new caregiver should research about any specifics concerning the patient’s condition(s).
The best example that I may relate, is that my niece read up on dementia and explained how pointless it is to argue with a person who has dementia. Nobody wins the ensuing argument and frustration for all is [an avoidable] result.
3. The third recommendation I believe is to obtain the affected person’s Power of Attorney,(PoA).
Hopefully, the caregiver accepts the opportunity and responsibilities if offered since she/he has, or will spend significant amounts of time with the person for whom care is being given.
The swiftness of securing PoA is crucial to various things like selling a house or property, acting on behalf of an unknowing or incompetent person, accessing further medical care and dealing appropriately with financial, legal, health and life matters.”
Concerns
I also asked what concerns her most regarding her own future and care. As we all know, time moves fast. As caregivers we spend much of our time, energy and resources caring for someone else while watching our own years unfold.
“My biggest concern for myself is that since, I live alone with my dog, as I age I’d like to continue to live in my house and if necessary hire a ‘live-in’ caregiver. Therefore I must be mindful of my expenditures to achieve those goals.
And, I purposefully bought a one-story house with two bedrooms; each with an adjoining bathroom. It’s low maintenance, has laminated hardwood floors, ramped, has 3-inch high steps to the outside, and outdoor maintenance people are hired.
The reasons why I deliberately chose this house are because I anticipated that my mother would have to live with me and subsequently I would need a caregiver.”
Hands on learning
Like many of us who become caregivers, we learn the ropes as we go. Donna is no different.
“The only education that I received was experiential/hands-on from being around my grandparents and other elderly people.
I listened to what, why & how they lived with their elders; the difficult times as well as the good ones.
I think that succeeding at the many tasks involved is dependent upon more than just caring. Because caring about and taking care of anyone are different things.
The emotional aspect of caring ABOUT another person is personal and judgmental. Its perspectives are significantly subjective.
Conversely, taking care OF a person, related or not, SHOULD be the objective, doing so with understanding as much as possible. Decisions affecting another person’s life must be ‘colorless’ and not tainted by partiality.
I think ultimately a caregiver must do whatever is reasonably necessary to accommodate the receiver of the services.”
In closing…
Keeping it REAL Caregiving would like to thank Donna for taking the time to connect and share with all of us! Here are her closing thoughts on what our society should focus on moving forward…
“More education and useful information is needed concerning dementia, behaviors, complicating diseases and varied approaches to treatments. “ 😈🐶🤔🌈👍🏻”
Do YOU have…
…a personal story or insight you would like to share with others? KIRC would love to hear from you. Jump into the discussion or submit your story here for consideration.
Until next time~
Julia
🌸💐🌼🌸💐🌼🌸💐🌼
*Header Image: Getty Images/Diane ADAM / 500px
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