KIRC invites you to join us throughout February for special BHM features

Each Friday this month, Keeping it REAL Caregiving will feature stories dedicated to the intersection of family and professional caregiving, through the lens of an African American living the experience.

The challenges we all face when stepping into the role of family or professional caregiver can be universal. However, some interpersonal experiences can be much different and often unique, based on cultural and ethnic backgrounds.

What does Black History mean?

When I was growing up, my mother and father never really talked much about the hurdles they encountered as an African American couple trying to build a life and raising children in the 1960’s and 1970’s.

Those of you who have followed me here at KIRC know that my father was in the United States Air Force. He didn’t talk much about his experiences. I know he served time in Vietnam. It would be naive to think he never encountered racism.

I came into the world while my father was overseas. With what I know now, I can only imagine how difficult it was for my mother; a young black woman, by herself, bringing a child into the world and unsure whether her husband would return from Vietnam.

To me, those moments are what strike me as Black History; the fabric of our lives and incidents which shaped who I am today.

Do you have a caregiving moment to share that connects you to Black History? Join the discussion!

Because I grew up in a military household and went to school with other children of military families, color and ethnicity were not really ‘a thing.’

My friends were like the rainbow – Black, White, Asian, Hispanic and some mixes I wasn’t even quite sure of. All we knew is that we were all friends and played by the same rules because our fathers were all military personnel.

I do recall though, my mother was determined to find black dolls for us kids. Sadly, I was too young to understand the importance of this.

One year for Christmas, (I must have been 5 or 6)I was being a spoiled brat and insisted I wanted the doll known as “Velvet.”

Courtesy: Screengrab Poshmark

She was a white doll with blonde hair. Her head wiggled back and forth when you moved her arms and she giggled. She had a pony-tail that came out of her head that you could comb and change styles.

However, I received a different doll as a gift and I remember throwing a tantrum. My present was not “Velvet,” but instead “Baby Dee Bee.”

Courtesy: Screengrab Poshmark

She was an adorable little black baby-doll, wearing a leopard-print jumpsuit, she had short curly black hair and a delicate smile.

At the time, I didn’t want “Baby Dee Bee.” Not because of the white or black aspect. I just wanted a doll with long hair. I’m sure my tantrum hurt my mother. Yes, I was a brat.

Past and present merge when caregiving

Roll the clock forward 50 years and a life’s worth of experiences. I hope over the years I was able to make up for those moments. I deeply understand why my mother wanted me to have “Baby Dee-Bee.”

I looked like this little doll – NOT Velvet. I suspect it was my mother’s way of doing what she could to instill in us the importance of ‘self,’ culture and heritage; in what small ways she could. Remember, we were a military family so outward expressions of anything – well, that was just not part of the plan.

Somewhere along life’s journey, and years ago, I discarded Velvet. I don’t remember when. As you know my mother Miss Nellie is now also gone. But guess who is still with me? Baby Dee Bee!

She’s still here although her outfit is faded, her bow a bit frayed, and some snaps from her jumpsuit are missing. She’s still here. In a subtle sit-on-the-shelf kind of way, she reminds me of my history. She’s still here…enduring through the years; through every move, job, relationship, and yes – caring for my mother until the very end.

Still here. That is Black History.

Until next time~

Julia

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