What is the ‘R’ box and how it can help caregivers refocus

If you are a caregiver and feel overwhelmed…raise your hand?

Every single one of you put your hand up, right?

Today, I’m going to share with you a concept that has helped me cope with the ‘overwhelm’ that comes with family caregiving.

I call it – ‘Jumping into the “R” box.’ Let me explain.

For those of you just joining the Keeping It REAL Caregiving journey, my role as family caregiver effectively came to a close with the passing of my mother, Miss Nellie, in September, 2020.

Julia & Nellie/Northern California

It has been almost two years since saying goodbye to my mother. Sometimes even now, I have moments of panic thinking I have overlooked a care item for mom.

*If you missed it, this related article talks about caregiver PTSD*

Caregiver PTSD

Caregiving can often feel like the weight of several worlds is on our shoulders.

Ask almost any family caregiver what they need and more often than not the answer is something along the lines of:

More help
More sleep
More resources
A break…

|The work can be both physically and emotionally draining

Now add to that the impact of collective trauma and grief.

Consider the recent events of the past several weeks:

Mass shootings at what seem like every turn
Economic worries
Covid-19 not willing to fully let go of it’s hold on us…

So if you feel like just crawling under your covers for a few days – you are probably not alone. But when you are a caregiver you don’t quite get a chance to do so.

What you can do is jump into the ‘R’ box

Retreat, respite, reflect, refocus

1. Retreat

I find that when the world around me gets too overwhelming, I give myself permission to retreat.

I tend to pull back from social media, stop the daily doom scrolls, unplug from constant news coverage and only tackle the ‘must reply’ emails. After all, the sun won’t stop shining if we decide to take a short 24-48 hour break from the rest of the world.

2. Respite

If we don’t get our rest, then we are zero use to those around us. You are not Superman or Superwoman. You must be willing to ask for help from those closest to you.

That may mean asking a family member, close friends or even a neighbor to run errands for you, or sit with your loved one so you can have a short window of respite.

3. Reflect

Throughout your day as you move through various duties, reflect on the person your loved one is. Meet them where they are. Even in those moments when you are about to lose your mind, consider their life journey and all the experiences which have made them who they are in this moment.

By doing so, you just might learn more about them and in turn yourself.

4. Refocus

Once you’ve had a few moments of respite and a bit of reflection, you may discover a new path forward allowing you to refocus.

Refocusing your perspective may help in spotting where you can rearrange your day, or how you can be more efficient and effective. Consider what daily chores or parts of your routine you can let go of. Reevaluate the people in your life. Are they reliable and supportive or are they energy-suckers you need to set free?

Go ahead. ‘Jump into the R box.’ Use it as often as needed.

Because remember: if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of those who need you the most.

Until next time~