Bereavement tools to guide us through loss
Accepting the loss of a loved one is never easy.
A few weeks ago Keeping It REAL Caregiving invited you to our LIVE Sunday Coffee Chat & Support Hour, focusing on coping with bereavement and loss.
(Technical issues forced that session to end sooner than planned)
A few days later I had a chance to reconnect with our special guest, guest, Toni Miles, MD, PhD, FGSA, Epidemiologist.
Dr. Miles is an advisor to eldercare initiatives including the CDC Healthy Brain, Georgia’s Alzheimer’s Task Force, and the John A. Hartford Foundation.
Based at the University of Georgia, Dr. Miles works with organizations to identify Best Practices in Bereavement Care. Her research focuses on bereavement care and counseling.
*Related articles
*Coping with loss and bereavement: where do we go from here?
Coping with loss and bereavement
Covid-19 deaths and impacts on families
I’ve been interested in the idea of the public health impact of large scale mass bereavement with large numbers of people having the same experience simultaneously. It’s like a flood destroying all these homes at once.
I started this work back in 2012 and couldn’t get anyone interested. We could talk forever about why no one wanted to talk about this.
But, it is clearly something we need to talk about and then Covid-19 came along and now everybody wants to talk about it.
What is bereavement?
The fact that people who are bereaved, and that means someone died in your orbit, it could be a friend, or a neighbor, in addition to a family member – these are people who are close to you and they died of something and their death injures you in some way.
Can we ever truly be prepared for death?
A lot of people do spend a fair amount of time thinking about death. They spend quality time and money thinking about that moment. If you are fortunate to have a chance to prepare then you should take it.
Does preparation lessen the sting?
I cannot say enough about logistics. Because if you are not careful you can be taken advantage of in that moment [death of a loved one] because we’re vulnerable. If you can pick up someone’s game plan (pre-planning) then you are able to deal with all the other emotional stuff that’s happening.
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Hole in the heart
During our interview, Dr. Miles shared a powerful photo, showing a sculpture with a giant hole in the heart.
What you see is a person who has a giant hole in the middle of them. And in the first 24 to 48-hours after a thing happens, you feel that way.
You have a huge hole and what are you going to do with it? How are you going to live with this?
The only thing that makes that hole smaller is time, if you can bring yourself to deal with it.
Best practices in bereavement care booklet
Visit www.KeepingItREALCaregiving.com to watch my full interview with Dr. Miles.
You can also access Bereavement Care toolkits created by Dr. Miles. You’ll find one for professional care staff and another for family members.
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