Today more than ever, consider how our elders connect us to the past & what lessons we can learn

If the assassin’s bullet had not taken his life, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would have turned 93 this year. James Earl Ray shot Dr. King April 4, 1968, as King stood on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, in front of room 306.

Courtesy: National Civil Rights Museum Website

The Lorraine Motel is now home to the National Civil Rights Museum. In-person and virtual events are taking place all day today at the location. Click here for more information.

Lorraine Motel/National Civil Rights Museum 2016

I visited the Museum in 2016 and can tell you, the exhibits, stories and historical accounts are moving and thought provoking. I have visited countless museums over the years but no others left me shaken and in tears.

Had the march of time, Parkinson’s disease, high blood pressure and diabetes not taken its toll, Miss Nellie P. Yarbough would be in her 91st year.

As people across the nation observe this Monday in remembrance of the civil rights leader, it is also a time for all of us to consider the history of our own families.

Dr. King giving “Dream” speech, August 28, 1963 – Courtesy: Getty Images/Bettmann

As I reflect on this day, I realize my mother and father lived through the tumultuous moments that marked a turning point in our nation’s history.

What my generation, and those who come after me view as the legacy of a man fighting for basic equality for all Americans, were real-time experiences for my parents.

So on this day, Keeping it REAL Caregiving is offering up this challenge: take time today/this week to ask your elders to share a memorable moment from the time period between 1960 and 1970.

That decade proved volatile for our nation on many political and social fronts. I suspect that regardless of background, ethnicity, race or region of the country you live, you’ll find your elders have a specific memory to share.

Perhaps there is an incident or interaction they can recall that links that divisive, violent and deadly (especially for people of color) not-too-distant past to events we see playing out in our world today.

Untold stories

As you know, the last five years of my mother’s life she lived with me, here in Northern California.

As a fiercely independent and often stubborn woman, living with her child was not always easy for her.

But as her health declined, I believe she knew she had made the right choice to be under the same roof.

One evening, after dinner, we had a chance to just talk. I asked her how it came to be that she and my father moved and lived in Southern California, where I was born.

Nellie, Julia & Donald Yarbough

My father was in the United States Air Force. He had been transferred to a base near San Bernardino, California. He sent for my mother to join him.

My mother recounted how she traversed the country, traveling by bus from New York to California, with my older siblings in tow. (I was not born yet). That means the time frame would have been 1963 or 1964.

So picture this: a young African American woman, alone with two small children, having to navigate across our country, at a time when the status quo was being challenged.

Anger, hate and violence raged from the ‘establishment’ as African Americans and others lifted their voices demanding equality and fair treatment. Much of white America was angry; determined to stop the march of progress at any costs.

As my mother told her story, I realized just how dangerous and precarious a journey that must have been for her.

In that moment I had new clarity as to why my mother was always so nervous for me, when I would take various road trips on my own.

I asked her, “Did you encounter any problems along the way? Weren’t you scared?”

National Civil Rights Museum, Memphis, TN 2016

Facing down hate

Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered and answered.

She said at one stop, she believes it was Wyoming, passengers went into a small restaurant to order food.

She remembered being in line (with two small children) when a white man began harassing her.

“Hey lady… what are you doing in here? Your kind don’t belong in here. Why don’t you get out of here and get back on that bus!…etc”

She said another passenger stepped in and told the aggressor to leave her alone, ‘Can’t you see she’s just a mother with her kids trying to get some food. Leave her alone and get out of here.’

The situation diffused but it could have easily turned into something much more hateful.

Living history

By the time Miss Nellie finished the story, she was in full tears. I was too. I thought of the fear and vulnerability my mother must have felt in those moments.

And then I felt a sense of pride, recognizing a different level of strength and determination that lived in her.

As a caregiver to who was now an elderly and frail woman, I was seeing a side of my mother I had previously not considered.

As we sat talking and drying tears, it dawned on me that this was a pivotal life story for Miss Nellie. Yet, it was one I knew nothing of. I wondered, ‘had she ever told anyone this story? Do any of my siblings know about this?’

Courtesy: Adobe Stock

National holiday and history

So on this Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, take time to reflect on your family. You just might find stories and moments that are more a part of the fabric of history than you ever imagined.

If you would like to share one of your historical family moments, send a brief paragraph to Keeping it REAL Caregiving, and I’ll publish those accounts later this week. Email to: [email protected]

Thank you Dr. King for giving our nation a vision of what our society can be.

Julia

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*Header Image: Courtesy Adobe Stock*

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